WHAT WOULD THEY SAY?

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Many people who were doing very well in life before until some sort of misfortune happened are suffering in silence today, not because there’s nothing more they can do to at least have three square meals a day but because they are dwelling too much on “what people would say”.

Who cares about what the people would say?

If it’s the same people who would not give you a dime are the ones who’d always laugh when they see you trying to fight poverty off by doing some ‘humble’ legit jobs? Then let them laugh.

Nobody has any excuse to die of hunger!

You may not have that luxury car or other luxuries of life at the moment, but you have no excuse to die of hunger if you are not physically impaired,  ill, bedridden or something.

Just the other day, I boarded a bus but got held up in one ‘terrible’ traffic for almost an hour. Yes, an hour! Which shouldn’t be news for many in this part of the world.

Anyhow, the core of this post is not about the traffic but about the conductor of that bus.

While in the traffic, I engaged Tunji (by far the most respectful conductor I’ve ever encountered in my entire life) in a discussion.

First of all, I got on the bus; he greeted me and then asked if I was “okay”, properly settled on one of the seats before he asked the driver to move. Then he proceeded to collect his money in a very good manner “aunty please, your money”. I gave the money to him and he gave me my change and said “thank you”.

After a short drive, another passenger boarded and he extended the same courtesy towards the passenger, it was at this point I took an interest in him.

Unlike the many bedraggled ones seen on the roads, Tunji was well dressed in a simple traditional ‘ankara’ attire with hair well cut and of course no mouth or body odour, as I was seated next to him and furthermore well-spoken too.

In the course of the journey, I found out that he’s not only a graduate who had at a time worked in one of the blue chip organisations in this country but also a father of two.

He talked about how things went from ‘very awesome’ to ‘very appalling’ and then couldn’t stand to watch his family get hungrier than they later got so he decided to take up the job of becoming a conductor until something better comes up.

Of course by the time I disembarked, I was convinced without doubts that not too long from that moment, Tunji would get back on his feet again given some of the plans he talked about in the short journey with him.

What am I trying to say here?

Don’t die of hunger simply because of “what would people say”?

What is that thing you can start doing right now? Start from wherever you are and with whatever you have. There is nothing to be ashamed of.

It will pay off in the end.👌

©Stella Ene - Inyang

LIFE AND AGING

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If you take a good look at all the beauty products in the markets today, including multivitamins, nearly all of them have as one of their essential benefits “slows down aging process” or say “anti aging” and then ‘boom’ everyone including men and women go for the products.

And I’m wondering “so nobody wants to get old”?

Unfortunately, nobody is getting out of this world looking the same way he/she was born or a 60year old looking like a teenager no matter how hard he or she has tried or tries in maintaining the “aging process” with all sorts of supplements or cosmetics.

 

A good example is to take a good look at the beautiful plantain you bought today, no matter how hard you try to preserve it, that plantain would still change overtime if you don’t use it. Hence the best bet is to make use of it while it’s still in its finest form so as to get the best out of it.

So is life and aging!

  

Many pray to live as long as possible and most importantly look as good as possible while life or aging process does its own thing as no one can stop that course.

However, one of the ways of remaining in good health apart from popping those multivitamins into your system including pampering yourself with the best of cosmetics is the ‘total avoidance of stress’ in any form.

What is stress? And what are the sources of stress? That’s a long focus for another time.

Till then, just hold on to this that ‘stress is anything that makes you unhappy’.  So avoid anything or persons that make you unhappy.

That would be all for now

©Stella Ene – Inyang

WHY WE ARE THE WAY WE ARE

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For most part of this year 2017, I have had to commute to work and a few other places by public transport not because I do not have a car to run around but because I decided not to drive for most part of the year given some reasons including trying to keep my sanity having being attacked in broad day light in traffic right in front of a military cantonment and nothing was done by the patrol team who went into the building the hoodlums ran into. Another reason was until Governor Ambode sent those “special people” in uniforms off the streets who were frustrating drivers and car owners thus making driving a nightmare as no matter how hard you tried to keep your car documents together, they would always find a fault or two so as to give you a fine which many times do not come cheap. Unnecessary traffic in some areas was also a big “NO” for me including some other reasons which are best known to me alone. in this city called Lagos.

On some of these commuting by public transport, I would run into a couple of friends and foes alike who would ask me questions such as “why didn’t you drive? I saw you at so and so bus tops, what where you doing standing on the road waiting for a bus when you could have easily driven? Including a host of other cynical questions. My replies usually  included “oh I didn’t feel like driving too far today” or on the days when the car had a small fault “I took it to the mechanic” or was it when I was still battling with road safety for my drivers’ license? Too many instances when I had to be asked questions upon questions on “why did you not drive”?

On several occasions, some of these ‘concerned people’ would say “you like to stress/suffer yourself sha” and my immediate reply would always be “shey before we started owning cars and being driven around town, many of had to move around by public transport until God started blessing us with the wherewithal to buy cars?

Where am I going with all of these?

Dear reader, let me not bore you with long stories anymore.

My point is, we are where we are today as a people and as a nation because of the mentality of “what would people say” so many of us do things that we would not naturally do because we do not want people to talk.

Well, I’m sorry to be the one to re-echo that “no matter how hard you try, or what you do, people will always talk” so no point killing yourself just to please anyone amongst the crowd out there that think or care nothing about you.

Our leaders will continue to steal us “red” because even when the good ones are elected into power/positions, they are put under pressure by family, friends and those around him to steal from the ‘big government pot to prove that they have arrived’ even when they never intended to do such.

The incumbents look at the lives of predecessors who did not steal while in government and how society has all of a sudden forgotten them as they seemingly have nothing to offer being out of government. Their children are mocked and told such lines as “your father was in government for so and so number of years yet he couldn’t do this or that for himself yet see Mr A and Mr D who held the same position for just a few months, their properties, this that and so on all around the place but your father can only boast of that single flat you all live in at the moment”.

After such remarks, tell me why the next person will not steal when elected into power? That’s if he/she is not self-willed against all odds?

It’s really a terrible world we live in. where evil is applauded and good shamed!

The life that many of us live today is not what we ordinarily want but for the sake of society and what the next person would say, we tend to live our lives for people.

Dear reader, that kind of lifestyle must stop.

As 2017 grinds swiftly to an end, take time to access your life and decide upon how you want to run with 2018. If you want to live a simple life, by all means go for it and save yourself the brouhaha of trying to meet up with the bandwagon of those who want to live their lives to please others thereby killing themselves in the long run.

The awful part of joining that “bandwagon” is that if you drop dead today, many of them would not even notice that you are gone and even if they notice, they wouldn’t even attend your funeral. The least most of them would do is type ‘REST IN PEACE’ on your social media timeline for others to read when they visit your page and thereafter everyone would move on without you.

So dear reader, think about 2018 critically and run it at your pace.

Peace!!! 

STELLA ENE-INYANG   

THIS THING CALLED 'PRIDE' AND THE GREAT FALL

I couldn’t help but share this great read by  Gina Umoru Agbukor  as it made a lot of sense given that many of us would no doubts relate with it in one way or the other. For me it was a great read to start a beautiful week and a reminder that this life is exactly what it is so we have to deal with it the best way we can. Enjoy!

Be careful what you pray for.

"Many years ago...about 5 or 6 years ago, I rededicated my life to Christ and I was doing away with 'Old things'... I don't know whether it was overzealousness or sheer stupidity...but looking back now, I think it was ignorance. I prayed a certain prayer. 

Simple prayer, nothing fancy... but with dire consequences.

"Lord humble me, take away pride from me"

No sooner had I prayed it, my life turned inside out. Immediately, I found myself thrown into a bakery where they make freshly baked humble pie of life. Every morning I get served with a huge slice of humble pie. Just pie. No coffee. I was basically 'force-fed' this pie ehn. Every time I think I am full of pie, I get another slice. It was a conveyor belt of humble pies, I wasn't full. I needed more.

Then I got married and thought that I was going to leave the bakery, guess what? *Sheer horror*, the next thing, I found myself at the back of the kitchen, helping to knead the dough for 'humble pie'. I wasn't even allowed to serve pie. I was a 'line cook' here.... no 'chef de patisserie' business. I grumbled at the job, I scoffed and complained and complained oooooooooo. You guessed it, I wasn't ready to finish my apprenticeship.

These days, I am filled with deep compassion and empathy and a deep conscience and find myself telling God "I am ready", over and over and over again. Right now, I have no qualms walking to the baker and ordering a slice of humble pie with coffee when I feel I am stepping out of order. I made terrible decisions because of pride and I have to live with the consequences.

Pride is terrible.

Pride is what makes you think you are better than others.

Pride is why you won’t build that relationship again.

Pride is what makes you die of hunger when you can ask for help.

Pride is what makes you think you have passed that 'level'. Whatever the hell that means. *rme*

I recently went to one of these Abuja male designers, someone I know referred me for a discount. He knew I was coming but when I got there he wouldn't see me. I knew he was in, his car was outside. He could see me with his CCTV cameras. Apparently he was in a meeting. I believe it was a meeting to discuss world peace because I left and came back in the evening and he still wasn't available (I guess it was about the time he signed the peace treaty agreement) but told his sales rep to discuss prices with me. I was not a 'big enough' spender. I wasn't worthy of his audience. I have tons of not-so-proud encounters but this will suffice.

So when I see people filled with pride because of their ego, riches, fame, intelligence or pedigree they have. The only thing I feel is pity...because one day, you must chop humble pie one way or another. Pride is NOT a good thing oh.

Years later, I learnt that my prayer point should have been "Lord, give me the grace to humble myself".

So pick up that phone and make that call. You win by making the first move to reconciliation.

It's 3:29am. Phew! I need some sleep. Good morning, enjoy your week.

Remember, pride goeth before a fall!

"I HAVE ARRIVED" MENTALITY: NOTHING REMAINS THE SAME

I keep telling anyone who cares to listen that “I’m a work in progress” in trying to defy that widely accepted cliché that every one of us has got that “I have arrived syndrome” going on in the heads of every human being once we achieve even the minutest step towards a great goal.

But then, I get laid back when everything, people, their words and actions say the very opposite on a daily basis thereby rendering me speechless most of the time when I am faced with such challenging moments of discussing on the topic.

Back in the 90s, I think the late 90s, I remember the boyfriend to one of my childhood friends bought this very clean white Lexus *of course after one maga had paid somewhere* and the guy came to town with the other yet-to-hammer guys singing his praise and how he’s arrived so soon. He was the BIGGEST boy who obviously then got caught in the ‘I have arrived’ net. That day and for the rest of the week, they drank courtesy of the ‘just arrived’ new Lexus owner who still had some cash to spare.

Looking back now, I laugh because that same particular car drove past me today on my way to the office and guess what? It was loaded with tubers of yams headed towards Anthony obviously coming from the popular mile 12 market at Ojota.

Such is life! I wonder if ‘biggest boy’ got another car again after that or that was truly his ‘arrival’. Never heard from him again but I should think he’s somewhere more matured now and shares the opinion that in this life “everyone is a work in progress” until the very last breathe.

CANDY CRUSH AND THE CHOICES WE MAKE IN LIFE

I know a lot of people play the now VERY popular candy crush including the many other crushes like Soda Pop, Frozen, you name it as they have become countless. Nearly every game on our mobiles look like you are crushing something or popping bottles.

I hated the mention of the name 'candy' even before it got to 'crush' as I thought many people especially ladies were getting too addicted and over excited with the game save for the Zuma, Subway surf and the rest which a lot of men and children have become addicts as I have seen where a grown man was playing subway surf and trying to cross a very busy road at the same time. Now that's what I would term 'crazy'.

On a few occasions I have had to put up warnings on my facebook page to stop some of my friends from sending me notifications and requests on the game as I was then not interested. Did they listen? Of course a few of them stopped while many others did not and even as I write this, I can lay a wager on the fact that some requests/invites for lives will be waiting from the STUBBORN candy crushers who will not let me be. Hmmm *what more can I do*?

Like I mentioned, ''I was then not interested" but today it's a different ball game as I am now one of the numerous lovers of this addictive game and its many look alike. I now play them so much that I could pass on a meal just to keep getting to the next level, another level and another, just on and on until I run out of 'lives' for the day but one interesting thing is that, I have NEVER sent a request/invite to anyone on facebook as I am always patient enough to wait another 24hours for a refill of 'lives' to continue playing the next day.

Now away from just the playing of the games as the focus on this write up is on the lessons gained so far while playing these games. For those of you who play the game I'm sure you know by now that for every move you make to destroy/crush those jelly walls or create a candy to crush an entire row, are choices you make based on what you intend to achieve at the end of each game? Good!

While playing the game what has again been consistently brought to the fore is that whatever choices we make in life have consequences, good or bad and we should be ready to take up the consequences of every one of them.

Sometimes during the course of the game, I get tempted to make a move to earn some very great points at a go but then I would take another look to see that after that very large earn, I may end up losing the entire game as there are some difficult jellies below that may not get broken/popped/crushed before your moves/timelines are exhausted if you go for the big swoop starring you in the face at that point in time thereby rendering the large points earned useless when you eventually fail that level as a result of that initial big earn. Thereafter you would wish you had taken the little pops/crushes one at a time until you finish the level or used that very big 'rare' candy crusher wisely when you got it.

What is she talking about? *You may ask* And I will tell you in response to that question.

This is 2016, a year that we all hope would be better than we've ever encountered and so I admonish that we make better choices with the opportunities we get irrespective of how big or small they come because there is always an outcome/consequence of the choices we make. 

At this point, *even though January is far gone* let me say HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE! and happy crushing year to all CANDY CRUSHERS!!

And lest I forget, for all those subway surfers who play while crossing or even in traffic, surf carefully, stay alive by waiting until you are in the right place to beat every level of whatever game.