AGAINST ALL ODDS: TIME TO SIT-UP, GET UP AND GO

We all have excuses, too many excuses that could take eternity to recount.

I’ve heard people blame uncles, aunties, fathers, mothers, siblings and more for a failure or two and reasons why they can’t get ahead in life because of what some of these persons did or didn’t do for them and as they dwell on those excuses year-in, year-out they never forge ahead in life.

And sadly or unfortunately, most of the times, those same people who are being grudged, are moving on with their lives and also on many occasions unaware that these persons have any grudges against them. And so while the “grudgers” weary themselves with grudges, the “grudgees” are moving up and having the time of their lives in their daily hustle. In the long run, the grudgers keep getting smaller in their little ‘corners’.

For many who have seen a lot of pains in their lives, pains which ordinarily should have held them back from making anything good in their lives but however defied all those pains to achieve one form of success or the other and in some cases affecting the society positively in one way or the other, I raise many glasses up for you in toast to your ‘success stories against all odds’.

And for many who are still walking around holding the ‘pity cap’ in hand with the ‘blame-game’ I will simply pray for you

.

Yes! ‘Pray’ is what I will do for them because there is no point being angry with such persons on why they can’t let go of the past and move ahead in life.

Pray because everyone including “yours sincerely” who has been ‘there’ at one point or the other in life know that it isn’t just an easy ‘walk in the park’ to get out of such situations and get ahead in life.

We are all human beings; nevertheless on several instances, we tend to react to the same situation differently that’s why I say ‘pray’.

Many years ago, a friend came to see me in school and even though she was always looking like all was well, deep within she nursed an anger against a relative who promised to take her abroad after our secondary school certificate exams and then three years after, while many of us were a couple of months away from bagging our BSc’s, she was still waiting and hoping that her aunt would redeem the promise of taking her abroad.

One day, we had a very long talk and my friend broke down uncontrollably as she unburdened the anger and pains which she held deep-seated in her heart all these years. And did I mention that she was wild? As in she smoked, drank and partied without remorse? Yes she did and I always wondered what happened to the sweet girl I knew while we were still in secondary school. After that long talk that day, I realized she took to such habits as a form of ‘getaway’ for the anger against her aunt as she felt the aunty had “wasted” her life. She was simply depressed.  

It took a while to talk her into getting back on track and the first step was getting into “Uni” which meant taking the compulsory JAMB exams first. At first she kicked against it saying “God forbid, when my mates are about to graduate, is now they will see me getting into year one”. I understood her plight, so I kept encouraging her even though we quarreled over the issue on several occasions but I still kept at it until she sat for JAMB, passed and gained admission while I was in my final year. It was a big struggle for her when she started as she felt out of place among her ‘juniors’ in the same class, but she however kept at it and after the first semester, she was happy she took that decision. I was also happy for her but happier that I made her take that decision.

For a long time, before she got into school, many people who saw us together always thought she was a student and one of us on campus whenever we hung out together as she visited the campus on a nearly everyday basis. Because she was a very intelligent girl, she blended so easily with the rest of us and of course always looking posh and even “posher” than a lot of students. So it therefore came as a surprise to many when they eventually found out that she was just getting into 100level while the rest of us were about graduating. Fortunately for her, at this time, she couldn’t be bothered anymore when many others found out as she had already overcome that pain, anger or shame that was within. She however wished she had taken the decision earlier.

Today she’s doing so well in her chosen career, has a lovely family and interestingly can now go ‘abroad’ once in a while. Did I mention that the Aunt actually looks up to her now? Well! That’s life for you.

I have too many reasons to just not ‘hustle’ anymore given many unpleasant things that have happened in my life but I chose not to because in doing that, I would be letting those disappointments win.

Every time such unpleasant things want to flood my thoughts, I remember people like Mike Adenuga who once drove taxi to finance his university education but today a billionaire. Steve Jobs while returning Coke bottles for food, money, had the floor in his friends' rooms as bed at a time, and getting weekly free meals at a local temple had every reason to give up yet founded the now much talked about Apple. Christiano Ronaldo’s father did not believe him when he said they would be very wealthy and rich but today the story is different. Lionel Messi one time served tea at a shop to support his football training sessions and eventually became the world best footballer

Nelson Mandela who did 27 years and later became President and even in death he’s today still seen and talked about as a hero.

Bill Gates didn't even complete his university education and Oprah Winfrey was raped at the age of 9 but both have become some of the world’s richest and most influential persons today.

Who else inspires me? *Thinking*

Yes! Joyce Meyer is well sought after today by millions across the world as one of the most influential preachers in the world even though she was sexually, mentally, emotionally and verbally abused by her father as a child until she left home at the age of eighteen. Dr. Ben Carson struggled academically throughout elementary school yet became the best Neurosurgeons in world in 1987. Tony Blair rose to become Prime Minister even though his teachers called him a failure. The list is endless, not to talk about if i bring it home, starting with my parents. I could really go on forever.

My friend is no longer angry as a matter of fact, she is happy today that her Aunt disappointed her back then as she may not have achieved half of what she’s achieved today if the Aunt had kept to her promise. She jokes about it every now and then saying “who knows? maybe I would have ended up not even doing anything meaningful with my life abroad” well, only God knows.

So, I just want to encourage somebody out there that no matter what the past has been or what anyone has done to make life difficult for you in the past, it is time to get up and GO! Start from where you are now to make something meaningful out of that situation.

Dear reader, it’s time to sit-up and get real with your life and trust your guts, everything will turn out just right.

STELLA ENE-INYANG

SCHOOL SESSIONS:THE WAY THINGS WERE AND HOW THEY ARE NOW

The other day, I was on my way home from work which was a late evening, just before nightfall. I looked to the car on my left and saw about three kids at the backseat struggling to fight off sleep while the man who obviously was a paid driver given his clothes, struggled with traffic as he kept trying to maneuver from one lane to the other in a bid to get ahead the rest of us.

My concern wasn’t about the driver but was rather 100% geared towards the poor kids who definitely would have left home in the early hours of the morning courtesy of parents who also may have rushed off to work as well.

I don’t know how many of you remember or encountered the days of morning and afternoon school sessions? The days where parents, especially mothers would PROPERLY get children ready for school with very good homemade meals as breakfast and not the junk which many feed kids in a hurry these days.

Back in the day, some of us went to school in the mornings, got back home before the next group would be on their way for the afternoon/evening sessions.

Then most of us who attended the morning sessions were much younger than those who went in the afternoon and everything was fine until things started changing gradually. And trust, lunch would also be waiting for you as all of these would have been prepared in the morning by dearest ‘mummy’ before she left for work. We were well taken care of and properly raised ‘homed’ kids.

In the parts where I grew up, you get home from school, rest a bit, do homework, wash your uniform and then at 4pm when the sun is not so harsh anymore, you are already at the lesson centre and of course your brain would be willing to assimilate most -I say most, not all- of the things you are taught. By 6pm, lessons have closed, then you may or may not hang around to have a little chat with friends for a while but before 7pm, it is expected that you are already home. And of course, most parents would be home from work by the time you got home and thereafter family life is observed. Then we had more intelligent children who didn’t have to spend so much time on social media learning all sorts including the ‘make and mar’, yet most of us turned out great in life.

Sadly, today the reverse is the case. Children stay in school from morning till night, some of them still require extra extra coaching before many of them can pass simple exams without any ‘hanky panky’ yet they spend all day at school; doing what? You may be tempted to ask.

It is in this same era that it has become a norm for parents to not only have to pay for children to get jobs but would pay for children to be moved from one level of class at school to the other until he/she gets the degree/certificate and some of such parents sometimes boast about how much they spend in doing these even when it is very glaring to all that the child is a ‘nut head’.

So the begging question now is what went wrong? How did we get here? What do you think happened?

I guess it all started with the evening lessons and when some teachers realized that they could make better pay by setting up extra mural classes. I also suppose things started going wrong when ‘real’ teachers were no longer interested in teaching given the poor package called ‘salary’ and welfare from both the government and private schools thereby leaving the very humble profession for those whose main objective is ‘money making.

We had teachers whose main intentions were to groom future leaders and well-mannered children. They taught us not just academically but morally and it was left to you to adhere or not to adhere.

There was respect both at school and at home. You would walk on the streets and be greeted by children of unknown faces just because they acknowledged that you were older just by merely looking at you, so would pay their respects even if they didn’t know you from ‘Adam’.

Today, we find so many private crèches’, primary, secondary schools and even universities with many a times outrageous fees where all they teach is confusing (British nor American) phonetics and put in the heads of the children the mentality that their lives/futures are insured just because they attend such schools.

Private schools spring up in different corners everyday yet we are having more educated “illiterates” who even when they get into leadership positions become more corrupt and insensitive to the plight of the masses than those who they earlier complained about before they themselves assumed power thereby proving once again that ‘you can’t give what you don’t have’ as the leaders are truly from amongst the same crop of masses but unfortunately become ‘mini gods’ once they assume office.

It has also become a case of many petrol stations in the country yet we are threatened with fuel scarcity on a daily basis and even more a case of many churches and mosques in any available space across the country, yet immorality is thriving and getting on the increase on a daily basis. That is a topic for another day.

How did we get here?

Many people would say or attribute it to westernization, social media, family values that have gone sour and more. The list is endless hence could go on and on for a long time.

But then again, have you played your role as a child, parent, individual, family, teacher, proprietress, proprietor, organization or government? Be honest.

I have to stop here for now while you ponder on what has been said so far. Will continue the piece on a later date as a sequel to this and so it’s ‘bye’ for now.

HAS SOCIAL MEDIA SHAPED US UP OR SHAPED US OUT OF OUR 'FUN-LIVES'?

Not too long ago, a lecturer from the department of languages and linguistics in one of the universities in the south west was reported to have got into trouble following the release of a video tape of his alleged sexual involvement with a 400 level English student of the University. Even though many claimed the student was raped by the lecturer, the video clip which was released by the student, notwithstanding that some people said real sexual intercourse was not captured in it, according to reports, was allegedly recorded in a hotel room.

A few years ago, I watched with a mixture of anger and pity, a video clip of a lecturer, pants down begging students who set him up with a student to let him go after signing a cheque with a sum as ransom for his release. I watched with anger because the man should have disciplined himself but he chose to go after students in the game of ‘give me sex and I’ll give you good grades’ and with pity because I could only imagine how his children, wife and other family members would feel if they saw that video. From the discussion which ensued, it was obvious that it was his ‘modus operandi’ to sleep with his students for ‘good grades’ but on that particular ‘operation’ it was a shameful one as nemesis really caught up with him that day.

Where am I headed in all of these enumerations?

A short while ago, I stumbled on this picture /post as shown above and the caption/statement there gave rise to this write-up. I laughed when I saw it, but then, it did make a lot of sense and will no doubts stir  up some nostalgic feelings from the lovely ordinary way life was until technology took over.

In the past, when we go for events or outings, we could afford to misbehave as we always knew where the cameras were so we would avoid them especially when we want to, for example dance in a funny way, laugh and banter the way we felt free to go and you will not see any of the outcome on any social media platform so people ‘loosened’ up easily at events, parties, get-togethers and what have you. We just lived our lives feeling so free until, gbam! Social media became the ‘rave of the moment’ and everyone started being too careful and uptight whenever they are out there for fear of being recorded and uploaded on any of the ‘one click’ social media platforms. With that, our freedom to ‘mingle and play’ at meets went out the windows. What a life!

A lot of people are of the view that this technology ‘thingy’ just crept up on us took away our ‘freedom’ while another group believe that it has helped in a lot more ways than ‘freedom’ taking. Topic for another day, so I’ll stop here.

And so, while you are waiting for that topic, a quick question is  “has social media shaped us up or shaped us out of our ‘fun-lives’”?

2016: A YEAR OF 'OVER-HYPED' GRADUATION CEREMONIES!

Before now, you simply would hear that a child has moved from crèche to kindergarten, to primary, secondary and then the university.

Apart from very low key graduation ceremonies in the schools even though some other schools rarely had, the one graduation that used to come with loads of celebrating or what a few others have termed ‘noise making’, was that of a child going to university as most people see it as a huge milestone in the growing child.

And so it’s with total amazement and awe that since the month of July, nearly every school has had one party in the name of graduation ceremonies to the other. The social media has been agog with pictures of graduants from every angle. Even the play school, crèches, kindergartens, nursery and many other names they are now called were not left out including those in primary schools.

I heard there was a new introduction to the ceremonies this year in a couple of the schools. News had it that three women had a huge fight over who would emerge the ‘best mum graduant’ or was it ‘best graduant mum’. Spare my rambling, I can’t remember but it sounded in a way as such. Anyhow you understand what I mean.

As absurd as it sounds, the fight was said to have started weeks before the day of graduation on who would emerge the graduating mum of the year. I was told it was a way to generate more money by the school as the nominees were given some sort of ‘coercive’ option to give a free will donations or token which of course we all know will not be a token in the real sense of the word as women, trust them would always try to outdo one another thereby helping the school rake in some extra ‘cool’ cash on their part. 

Unlike the years before, this time around, many parents were made to pay so much for the graduation ceremonies by the schools of their wards even though parents were still made to cook and entertain invited guests irrespective of graduating class and of course serious looking graduation gowns were won by all graduands with loads of pictures which almost broke the internet from ‘hyper-picture-posting’ were taken.

Just when I thought the razzmatazz on graduation was over with July gone, a close friend walks up to me only to inform me that he was having a graduation ceremony  and when I asked “from where” he replied “from the school of theology, my wife and I”. I wasn’t shocked but just rolled my eyes with an expression of “yeah right, here we go again with July activities playing out in August as well”. My friend just laughed and walked away.

Interestingly, after the ceremonies, I realized from the pictures on facebook that he wasn’t the only friend who graduated on that day from the school of theology as I saw a few other couples, friends of mine who also graduated on the same day.

In all of these hype, the non-academics refused being left out as my attention took another turn when I saw on social media a trending picture of a young man, a supposed ‘car washer’ striking a pose for the camera even as he held what looked like his certificate and of course he had on a complete graduation regalia. The venue was the car wash center and of course the young man was graduating. Shikena.

Before you ask what business a car washer had with wearing such regalia. Let me stop with a ‘Sssshh’ and also with the question of ‘what if the guy was gaining what many people call “freedom” from his boss and decided to have what academics graduands had, is that not a typical form of ‘changing levels’ or graduation? So why then was his picture singled out and made to trend as though it was absurd? laughs.

Simply put, if the picture was real and not some persons trying to gain attention via funny posts on social media, one would be tempted to put a take that there is nothing wrong in the young man and his attempt at celebrating being among those moving ahead in life. Life they say is what we make it.

Nevertheless, I still need to mention here that the idea of graduation has really being over-hyped this year thereby taking most of the shine off the very important graduation ceremonies due to the proliferation of ceremonies held all through the month of July and into August making families, irrespective of the ‘tough’ times, spend unnecessarily given the huge bills parents had to pay for their wards all in the name of graduation.

I strongly affirm that as parents, we need to have a rethink on how far and at what levels these hyped celebrations should get based on the classes of our wards.

Let’s save ourselves some unnecessary ‘wahala’.

I know a few people would still say things such as "it's their money let them spend" or "what has class got to do with it" and many more. It is expected to here such lines anyway.

My thoughts though!