AGAINST ALL ODDS: TIME TO SIT-UP, GET UP AND GO

We all have excuses, too many excuses that could take eternity to recount.

I’ve heard people blame uncles, aunties, fathers, mothers, siblings and more for a failure or two and reasons why they can’t get ahead in life because of what some of these persons did or didn’t do for them and as they dwell on those excuses year-in, year-out they never forge ahead in life.

And sadly or unfortunately, most of the times, those same people who are being grudged, are moving on with their lives and also on many occasions unaware that these persons have any grudges against them. And so while the “grudgers” weary themselves with grudges, the “grudgees” are moving up and having the time of their lives in their daily hustle. In the long run, the grudgers keep getting smaller in their little ‘corners’.

For many who have seen a lot of pains in their lives, pains which ordinarily should have held them back from making anything good in their lives but however defied all those pains to achieve one form of success or the other and in some cases affecting the society positively in one way or the other, I raise many glasses up for you in toast to your ‘success stories against all odds’.

And for many who are still walking around holding the ‘pity cap’ in hand with the ‘blame-game’ I will simply pray for you

.

Yes! ‘Pray’ is what I will do for them because there is no point being angry with such persons on why they can’t let go of the past and move ahead in life.

Pray because everyone including “yours sincerely” who has been ‘there’ at one point or the other in life know that it isn’t just an easy ‘walk in the park’ to get out of such situations and get ahead in life.

We are all human beings; nevertheless on several instances, we tend to react to the same situation differently that’s why I say ‘pray’.

Many years ago, a friend came to see me in school and even though she was always looking like all was well, deep within she nursed an anger against a relative who promised to take her abroad after our secondary school certificate exams and then three years after, while many of us were a couple of months away from bagging our BSc’s, she was still waiting and hoping that her aunt would redeem the promise of taking her abroad.

One day, we had a very long talk and my friend broke down uncontrollably as she unburdened the anger and pains which she held deep-seated in her heart all these years. And did I mention that she was wild? As in she smoked, drank and partied without remorse? Yes she did and I always wondered what happened to the sweet girl I knew while we were still in secondary school. After that long talk that day, I realized she took to such habits as a form of ‘getaway’ for the anger against her aunt as she felt the aunty had “wasted” her life. She was simply depressed.  

It took a while to talk her into getting back on track and the first step was getting into “Uni” which meant taking the compulsory JAMB exams first. At first she kicked against it saying “God forbid, when my mates are about to graduate, is now they will see me getting into year one”. I understood her plight, so I kept encouraging her even though we quarreled over the issue on several occasions but I still kept at it until she sat for JAMB, passed and gained admission while I was in my final year. It was a big struggle for her when she started as she felt out of place among her ‘juniors’ in the same class, but she however kept at it and after the first semester, she was happy she took that decision. I was also happy for her but happier that I made her take that decision.

For a long time, before she got into school, many people who saw us together always thought she was a student and one of us on campus whenever we hung out together as she visited the campus on a nearly everyday basis. Because she was a very intelligent girl, she blended so easily with the rest of us and of course always looking posh and even “posher” than a lot of students. So it therefore came as a surprise to many when they eventually found out that she was just getting into 100level while the rest of us were about graduating. Fortunately for her, at this time, she couldn’t be bothered anymore when many others found out as she had already overcome that pain, anger or shame that was within. She however wished she had taken the decision earlier.

Today she’s doing so well in her chosen career, has a lovely family and interestingly can now go ‘abroad’ once in a while. Did I mention that the Aunt actually looks up to her now? Well! That’s life for you.

I have too many reasons to just not ‘hustle’ anymore given many unpleasant things that have happened in my life but I chose not to because in doing that, I would be letting those disappointments win.

Every time such unpleasant things want to flood my thoughts, I remember people like Mike Adenuga who once drove taxi to finance his university education but today a billionaire. Steve Jobs while returning Coke bottles for food, money, had the floor in his friends' rooms as bed at a time, and getting weekly free meals at a local temple had every reason to give up yet founded the now much talked about Apple. Christiano Ronaldo’s father did not believe him when he said they would be very wealthy and rich but today the story is different. Lionel Messi one time served tea at a shop to support his football training sessions and eventually became the world best footballer

Nelson Mandela who did 27 years and later became President and even in death he’s today still seen and talked about as a hero.

Bill Gates didn't even complete his university education and Oprah Winfrey was raped at the age of 9 but both have become some of the world’s richest and most influential persons today.

Who else inspires me? *Thinking*

Yes! Joyce Meyer is well sought after today by millions across the world as one of the most influential preachers in the world even though she was sexually, mentally, emotionally and verbally abused by her father as a child until she left home at the age of eighteen. Dr. Ben Carson struggled academically throughout elementary school yet became the best Neurosurgeons in world in 1987. Tony Blair rose to become Prime Minister even though his teachers called him a failure. The list is endless, not to talk about if i bring it home, starting with my parents. I could really go on forever.

My friend is no longer angry as a matter of fact, she is happy today that her Aunt disappointed her back then as she may not have achieved half of what she’s achieved today if the Aunt had kept to her promise. She jokes about it every now and then saying “who knows? maybe I would have ended up not even doing anything meaningful with my life abroad” well, only God knows.

So, I just want to encourage somebody out there that no matter what the past has been or what anyone has done to make life difficult for you in the past, it is time to get up and GO! Start from where you are now to make something meaningful out of that situation.

Dear reader, it’s time to sit-up and get real with your life and trust your guts, everything will turn out just right.

STELLA ENE-INYANG

Before The 'show-off', Take a Breather... Who (Did) You Help?

A Couple of days ago I saw pictures of students from a particular school (names withheld) who spread wrappers (obviously taken from their mothers) on the floor and laid on them while studying in classroom.

Some of the students who were lying down used their elbows as support as they took notes and the others who were well positioned on the floor with their backs against the wall (as support for their body frames) were all smiling with the look of contentment as though they do not deserve to have chairs having at least being given classrooms/roofs over their heads.

That was nearly two weeks ago. The pictures were taken and uploaded on Facebook by a cousin who also teaches in the same school.

Few days after, I read in awe how a social/recreational club members have concluded plans after a meeting to use the sum of 1billion naira to rehabilitate facilities to enhance the look of the club centre. How about that for comparison? That's nearly the same amount that somebody was reported to have spent in building a house just recently (that's a story for another day).

Please don’t get me wrong. I’m a strong advocate for recreational activities and so not against any form of rehabilitation process going on in any of them.

Nevertheless, I do not succumb to the fact that in the same country where some families are said to be living below a dollar, some others would actually be spending so much on frivolities/show off in the faces of fellow Nigerians who are seriously hungry or have GENUINE challenges or needs.

Before you go on to say” it’s their money so they can do whatever they deem fit “I’ll like to say that I share that same view. However, in as much as I share that same view with you, to an extent, one would expect some level of moderation when it comes to spending sprees in this our environment.

For example, how do you expect your neighbor to be happy with you when he sees you popping bottles of champagne which (they say) costs 1million naira (per bottle) on social network while his wife who has been hospitalised (you are aware) needs the sum of 2million naira to undergo a surgery?

Only yesterday, I heard that Aregbesola the governor of Osun state is soliciting for support from well meaning/ wealthy Nigerians to complement the efforts of government in all sectors towards economic development. 

I have always said that "Success is not based on the number of cars, houses or how much you have in your account or how many countries you've been to on vacation. Rather, it is based on how much you are able to positively impart or affect the lives of the people around you" instead of getting things we do not (most of the time) need to impress people who don't give a 'hoot' about you.

Pardon me as I add this funny but true story. A relative was telling me about an empowerment programme she attended sometime this year and some guests speakers/moderators while speaking started talking about how they have made it, how well they have travelled and great people they have met, how much they have made and so on with all the phonetics they could muster as they spoke.

The relative added that at a point, one of the youths stood up and with boldness said to one of the speakers, a lady "excuse me Ma, with all these you have mentioned, who have you been able to help with all you have achieved? Please we do not need any show-off here. Just tell us what we need to know and leave the podium" and then sat back even as the speaker left the podium for the next speaker. 

And of course the group of angry unemployed youths who were at the empowerment workshop/programme after much listening, could not bear to listen any further and the consistent question that came from them while the speakers spoke was "who you help" in our local parlance or "who did you help" from those who did not want to go 'local'.

The truth is (take it or leave it) it's only people who are small minded that do all of those 'show-offs' that we see every now and then. Watch the lives of VERY rich, I mean very wealthy individuals like Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates, Aliko Dangote, to an extent even some of those who are not as wealthy as the aforementioned like Tu Face Idibia, Asa, Femi Kuti, Kate Henshaw, Emem Isong, Funke Akindele and many others too numerous to mention but are doing well in their endeavours yet no 'show-offs' even as a few them are giving back to society through some form of corporate social responsibility project or the other.
 
A  couple of days ago, I stumbled on this quote by Donald Duke, former Governor of  Rivers State, on a friend's facebook wall and it made a whole lot of sense. It said "I am not successful if my brother is a failure, but at the same time, I wouldn’t allow his failure to undermine my success. So, my responsibility is to help him, but not indulge him. So, I can’t say I am successful and every Monday, I give him a hundred thousand or five hundred thousand naira. I would help him start something. I will find out where his strengths are".

I hope this write-up reaches/touches you as much as it has to me. Before you go showing off again, take a breather and answer the question "WHO (DID) YOU HELP?', 

Like Bruce Lee said "showing off is the fool's idea of glory"!.