BELLY FATS AND ITS HAZARDS

Visceral fat, what a number of people call belly fat, is obesity around the waist that is not in any way fashionable or healthy. It’s therefore a thing of great concern to still hear some people, especially the men who still erroneously believe that pot belly is a sign of good living.

A couple of years back, (feeling cool with herself then) was this small ‘waisted’ flat bellied teenager. A family friend told her on one of her visits that she once had a waist as tiny as hers and was  according to her “wondering” how she got to her present state at the time. Years later, even though she’s not weighed down by belly fat presently, (being one who’s very conscious of weight gain) that same teenager is now also however wondering what happened to her once ‘flat bellied waist’. Well, it is what it is. “Change”, the say, “is the only constant thing”. *laughs.

If you walk into some eateries, especially the nowadays very ‘tushed’ mama puts or bukas, you’d be amazed to see the plates of some ‘dignified men’ (and in some cases women too) when they take their orders. Their plates would look like the world is coming to an end hence the need to eat everything on the menu at once. And for many of them, that wouldn’t be the last meal for the day as they’d still eat at home later in the night after ‘downing’ enough alcohol while ‘hanging out with the boys’ at the close of work that same day.

The above scenario, to many of them, is ‘living the good life’. Unfortunately, they are slowly killing themselves.

Interestingly, ask any of them “do you engage in any form of exercise”? Some of the answers you’d get include “I work too hard so don’t have time for that” or “ha! At this age, you want to kill me? “The work I do is enough exercise”. And so on.

 

The bad news is that diseases tend to hide or incubate in some belly fats for a long time before they start to manifest. That’s why one could be seen looking healthy this very minute and the next thing, he/she is dead. Thereafter, medical reports would reveal that the disease had been in the person for some time. Therefore, it’s wise to see a doctor if you’ve been struggling with too much belly fats or pot belly as they have the tendencies to lead to diabetes, heart diseases and many others.

The good news is that not all belly fats have underlying diseases hence you can work on that belly. Work on it by doing some form cardio/exercise for at least 20 minutes thrice a week for starters. It would do a lot of good to avoid saturated fats, too much sugary foods and beverages, too much alcohol and even stress. Yes stress.

According to reports, too much stress can cause the release of stress hormone known as cortisol which is produced by the adrenal glands thereby causing increase in appetite which may lead an individual to overeating.

The better news is that you cannot go wrong with eating more of vegetables, fruits and fibers. Especially soluble fibers as they can give you a quick filling, thereby preventing you from eating too much.

Also, whenever you are thirsty, instead of that carbonated drink, grab a bottle of water.

The best news is that it’s a lot cheaper to eat and live healthy than paying huge medical bills or losing your life. We all know life is transient, but then let’s make it worth ‘the living’.

©Stella Ene – Inyang

THERE WILL BE MORE JOY ODAMAS AND EVANS' UNTIL WE STOP DISRESPECTING OURSELVES

As I sit here at my desk in the office going through one of the national dailies on an update report by the Nigerian Police on the death of the late young Joy Odama who was said to have recently died in the hands of an Alhaji as a result of an overdose of cocaine in Abuja, one cannot help but be pained at how callous and undiscerning some so called men can be or get when it comes to exciting themselves with some of these vulnerable girls.

The sad part is that as you read this now, no doubts some other stubborn girls and hell-bent ones are still on their way to see one or two unknown Alhajis even with this trending story on the investigation of Joy Odama’s death. These hell-bent ones will still embark on such journeys with a mindset such as “that Joy Odama Girl was just unlucky, what happened to her can’t happen to me”, and so many more young girls have gone and also met their ends with such mindsets. It’s a sad truth.

A couple of days back, while having a chat with one driver who operates with one of these newly introduced and well packaged car hire service providers in Nigeria, I was amazed when he reeled out the number of young girls he picks up on a daily basis to destinations where they meet men they have never met in person before except via social media connections all in a bid to get money in other to maintain their “slay queen” status. In other words, many of these ‘runs girls’ stake their lives for little, more or nothing when it comes to this kind of business as sometimes their monetary expectations are either met, surpassed, not met or are killed in the process.

What a shameful, painful and sympathetic life as many of them are declared missing on a nearly daily basis, that’s if not found dead with no trace of where or how it happened.

In the case of Joy Odama, she was said to have been invited by a friend to see one ‘Philanthropic’ Alhaji while she was on holidays in Abuja  sometime in December 2016. According to reports, the mother of the deceased was offered N400,000 so that she can keep the matter of her child’s death buried. What an avoidable death!

Now the many questions being asked include “Who was this friend, who is this Alhaji and why would her mother allow her go to see an unknown Alhaji and for what? Can N400,000 bring back the young girl’s life?

Once again, like I have mentioned in previous posts, I reiterate here that the society takes a huge part of the blame when it comes to the question of “who is to blame?”

A young intellectual or young business struggling man or woman appears with an average lifestyle given his/her humble source of income; unfortunately, they are hardly recognized or respected when they appear at events or any social gathering. They do not have a ‘say’ in extended family meetings or amongst a gathering of friends all because they don’t have the kind of money to throw around. If he/she manages to buy a small decent car, buys inexpensive but good looking watches, clothes or shoes, they are looked upon with disdainful looks such as “is this the kind of cars your mates are still driving, do your mates still were such watches, clothes or shoes?”, the list is endless.

To crown it all, he or she is invited for an event and when he gets to the gate of the venue, the security man with just a quick look at his/her car will ask them to park outside with an excuse such as “no more space inside the premise” but as soon as a supposed “big man” with the latest Range Rover arrives the same event, the ‘silly’ security man will not only quickly fling the gates open but will add a quick military-like “salute Sir” and thereafter goes to direct the driver of the car where to park in the same premises he had earlier said there was no longer space.

Now tell me, why won’t young girls, boys, men and women who cannot endure such disrespect anymore lean towards all sorts of methods to get rich overnight just so they can earn the respect they so desire from the society? It takes God and a strong morally bond person to still stick with the “slow and steady” lifestyle with the hope that one day after so much genuine hard work, things will eventually fall into ‘pleasant places’ for him/her.

In the past few days after the news of the death of Joy Odama and the recent capture of ‘Evans’ a reported kingpin in kidnapping made news, the social media has been agog with different remarks filled with 90% of condemnation with the other percentage on pity especially for the family of the victim, Joy whose mother has been seeking for Justice.

Interestingly a huge percentage of all those condemning, casting aspersions and sharing sneering remarks on ‘Evans’ and even Joy Odama’s misfortune, are guilty of disrespecting those who seem ‘not to have arrived’ while praising the “ I have arrived” ones whenever the opportunities arise even when the source of income is questionable. What a group of discriminating ‘two-faced’ individuals.

Sadly, there will be more Evans Chukwudi and Joy Odamas in our society until the government creates an enabling environment for entrepreneurs, until many of us stop our nauseating ostentatious lifestyles and discriminating attitude. Until we stop disrespecting humble earners, until we stop unnecessary praise singing, ‘show-offs’ and thus making guys and ‘queens’ struggling to ‘slay’ on social media as well as events trying to look rich in a bid to earn respect thus getting ‘pocket’ broke in the process, this circle of “menace to society” will never stop.

My two cents!!

STAGGERING NUMBERS OF CLICKS/VISITS: WHAT IS GOOD ABOUT PORN?

A few days ago, a couple of persons where having a discussion about how social media has destroyed homes and how principled individuals have given way to very unethical behaviours as a result of what is seen on social media.

Sometime ago, a licensed psychotherapist, certified sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author Ian Kerner wrote a very interesting article on his website iankerner.com with a questioning title “Is there such a thing as ‘good porn’? honestly speaking, it was a good read.

For many of us, like he explained in the article, our first exposure to pornography was surreptitious as it was either a case of a sneak peek at someone else's copy of Playboy or the viewing of a worn VHS tape stolen from an older sibling or some other ways. However today, the reverse is the case as porn is nearly everywhere given that anyone can simply jump online and view it with the few clicks on a device. 

 

‘Anyone’ means ‘anybody’  irrespective of age, gender, class, religion and more given  the staggering numbers of people who visit such sites if the  data provided by the American Psychological Association is anything to go by.

According to the data, as stated in the article, the rates of porn consumption range between 50% and 99% among men and 30% to 86% among women. It says the popular website PornHub alone logs about 2.4 million visitors per hour which is more than an estimated 6,000 visitors per second.

Amazingly, such a site is free and given that it's all free, it makes it not only more accessible and acceptable to a lot of people of the present generation but also for those of the future and many years ahead as it is gradually becoming less taboo and simply part of life for many people at the moment. The shocking and craziest part is that when you want to watch better and well-meaning videos online, you have to pay for them.

Even though many see this trend as unethical, Ian who refers to Porn as a sexually explicit Internet material or visual sexual stimuli given his field, says it could be a positive and a valuable aspect of a healthy sex life in some ways.

A proposed regulation in California would require porn actors to wear condoms while filming. The thinking is that this will not only promote safer sex on set amongst the performers, it will encourage porn viewers at home to follow their lead. But condoms aren't the only way to protect the safety of adult film actors or to ensure that the porn that reaches consumers is of a higher standard overall.

In fact, a booming trend in the creation of adult films -- ethical porn -- is changing the way erotic content is both made and consumed.

"If we put porn in perspective and use it as an adjunct to fantasy, it can be beneficial," said licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist Marty Klein, author of "His Porn, Her Pain: Confronting America's Porn Panic with Honest Talk About Sex."

But with this growing acceptance comes a tolerance for mediocre material. Like most advertising-based online content, the "tube" sites that offer free porn operate on search terms and clicks. It isn't created on the "build it and they will come model," but rather on the "build more of what they're already clicking on" model. This approach creates a vicious cycle: What we click on is what gets made, which is what gets clicked on, which is what gets made.

Though the average duration of a porn visit clocks in at about 9 minutes, many men and women spend way more time searching for something interesting to view. "Sometimes, I can spend two hours a night looking at porn," one of my patients said. "It's not because I'm addicted. I'm just looking for something that feels real."

Unfortunately, that can be difficult to find on the tube sites, where quantity far exceeds quality. "Amateurs have largely replaced actors because they're willing to work for less money," explained Bryant Paul, a faculty member at Indiana University Media School and co-producer of the Emmy-nominated documentary "Hot Girls Wanted." With an amateur's career peaking after just a few months, many must participate in increasingly degrading or exploitative material to remain relevant in the industry.

Because tube sites tend to deliver short, digestible clips of content, some of the material they offer may be pirated and taken out of context.

"Free porn sites may steal scenes from longer movies, which they re-label and rebrand," explained adult film director and writer Jacky St. James. "I can create a film that's more story-driven and romantic, only to have a clip from it pop up on a tube site, where it's being called something like 'big-breasted blonde whore on her knees.' " Worse, there's no guarantee that the people participating in free porn are of legal age or that they have consented to the acts portrayed onscreen.

But the answer to bad porn shouldn't be no porn at all; it should be better porn. Enter ethical porn. Much the way organic produce, cage-free eggs and fair-trade coffee have transformed the way we shop for food, ethical porn is changing the landscape of adult-oriented material, making it easier to enjoy.

In his new book "Ethical Porn for Dicks: A Man's Guide to Responsible Viewing Pleasure," clinical psychologist David Ley outlines the requirements for this new form of porn: It should be made legally, respect the rights of performers and pay them for their labor, and treat both performers and consumers as consenting, thinking individuals. Also important: Ethical porn celebrates sexuality as a diverse, complex and multifaceted component of being a human being, without judgment.

That doesn't mean that ethical porn is always romantic and soft. "Hard-core, rough sex can be ethical," St. James said. "What matters is that the performers are comfortable, consenting and respectful of everyone's boundaries."

Ley agrees. "Ethical porn can explore darker aspects of sexuality. If we expect it to be 'nice,' we set others up to be ashamed about their own desires," he said. "Professional sports aren't 'nice' either, but they can be played ethically and responsibly. Porn should be the same."

Something else to consider: Just as porn itself should be ethical, the way it's consumed should be, too. "In addition to advocating for a product that's made ethically, we should be using it ethically as well," Klein explained. "That means enjoying it in a way that highlights the positive aspects of your own relationships and sex life: for example, not breaking any promises to your mate about your viewing and not using porn to withdraw from your mate or make them feel bad with explicit comparisons to porn stars' bodies."

In my own practice, I often suggest to couples in sex ruts that they try ethical porn as a way to increase sexual arousal, as well as to people coping with common sexual concerns such as erectile dysfunction, premature ejactulation and difficulty achieving orgasm. Indeed, research by neuroscientist Nicole Prause and her colleagues has found that watching more pornography actually increases arousal in men to less explicit material -- and increases the desire for sex with a partner. In other words, it makes them more responsive to "normal" sexual cues and more desirous of real physical relationships (Archives of Sexual Behavior, May 2013).

So how do you know whether the porn you're watching was produced ethically? Although there's no guarantee, you might want to start your search with the winners at the annual Feminist Porn Awards. Yes, you'll probably have to pay for it, but even with a small budget, you can build your ethical porn library into something you can feel good about enjoying.

SEX EDUCATOR -"USE VOCALIZATION TO TEACH YOUR PARTNER WHAT FEELS GOOD BUT DON’T FAKE IT"

I was going through a story that was recently updated online which was originally published on CNN.com in 2012 and I found it interesting so thought I should share with you my dear reader hoping that it makes a good read for you and others.

You rarely come across topics such as this on a daily basis but when you do see it on a page such as ‘yours sincerely’ trust that it would make a good read any day.

Given the topic of discussion, the article states that for many people, all you have to do is watch nearly any depiction of female orgasm on screen to get an idea of how a woman is "supposed" to react during sex.

From "When Harry Met Sally" to "Sex and the City" to your basic porn film, women in the throes of passion aren't just shouting their ecstasy from the rooftops, they're moaning with pleasure. Loudly.

But is this just cinematic license, or is there really something to noisy sex?

Experts wondered the same thing. In 2011, Gayle Brewer of the University of Central Lancashire and Colin Hendrie of the University of Leeds published their research on the topic -- technically known as "copulatory vocalization" -- in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. In the study, they asked 71 sexually active heterosexual women between ages 18 and 48 for more details about vocalization during sex.

The researchers found that many of the women did make noise but not necessarily while they were having an orgasm. Instead, 66% said that they moaned to speed up their partner's climax, and 87% stated that they vocalized during sex to boost his self-esteem.

"While female orgasms were most commonly experienced during foreplay, copulatory vocalizations were reported to be made most often before and simultaneously with male ejaculation," the researchers wrote. Women also reported making noise to relieve 

boredom, fatigue and pain/discomfort during sex.

So is female vocalization during sex just a performance for a guy's benefit? (After all, Meg Ryan's over-the-top moans were meant to prove a point to "Harry" that men are easily duped by a fake orgasm.)

"There isn't a lot of research in this area," said Kristen Mark, a sexuality researcher at Indiana University, "but we're bombarded with images through mainstream media that tell us moaning is associated with orgasm and sexual pleasure. So it would be a fairly wise faking strategy to moan since men already tend to associate moaning with orgasm."

Of course, there's nothing smart about faking it.

"If you're faking an orgasm, you are signaling to your partner that he is doing everything right, when in fact he isn't," sex educator and author Patty Brisben said. "Use moaning as a way of signaling that you are excited and things really are feeling good, not as a way to hide that they aren't."

Fake or not, women aren't the only primates who vocalize during sex. Research in the animal kingdom reveals that female baboons, for example, have a variety of copulation calls, which appear to relate to their fertility. The vocalizations tend to become more complex when the females are closer to ovulation and vary when a female is mating with a higher-ranked male baboon. Female macaque monkeys give a shout to help trigger their mates' orgasm, too.

Performances and primatologists aside, vocalizing during sex can actually be a great tool to help women get what they want in bed.

Brisben added that on the topic of talking about sex, it isn't always easy to translate sexual thought into action, so a little strategic moaning can definitely help get the point across.

"Women are learning to take responsibility for their own sexual needs and wants in the bedroom," Brisben explained. "We need to take this one step further and give ourselves permission to become teachers. Use vocalization to teach your partner what feels good. It can help you say, 'stop, go, yes, more please,' without sounding like a traffic cop."

And when it comes to noise, "partner benefit isn't the only piece of the puzzle," Mark said. "Perhaps making noise turns some women on and helps them experience pleasure."

Brisben concurred: "I think there are many women who need to be vocal to help themselves achieve orgasm. It helps move them and their orgasm along. There are certainly phases. As a woman gets into it, she may become extremely vocal and then move into a period of quiet as she is on the verge."

So do what feels right to you. Any other benefits are just a great bonus. And when it comes to "copulatory vocalization," perhaps men should take a lesson from the ladies.

"Women understand that moaning is a turn-on for guys, and many women ultimately enjoy it because they've made an effort to push a little beyond what comes naturally," said Logan Levkoff, a sex educator and author of a guide for men entitled "How To Get Your Wife to Have Sex With You."

"But sexual self-esteem is a two-way street, and, for their part during sex, guys should aim for more than a single grunt at the end. It's not about faking or doing something you don't want to, but more about being sexually present and in sync with each other."

So let's all make some noise.