NIGERIA AT CHRISTMAS: CASHLESS, CASHTRAPPED, FUELTRAPPED AND FOODTRAPPED SOCIETY

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Once again it’s Christmas all over the world. A time for joy and laughter, that’s why even though it’s a special time traditionally for Christians all over the world to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, it has also become a time set aside for many at the end of every year for merriment as it has now been accepted by nearly all as a special holiday period for even very large numbers of non-Christians across the globe.

Many save up to make trips to spend time with loved ones from one point to the other especially those who have not had time all through the year due to the everyday life’s hustle to make ends meet, hence Christmas for such people is a “catching up” time.

Christmas, a time you feel so much love in the air as no doubts gift shops all over the world are right now packed full with last minute buyers and of course with the many sales ongoing in virtually all the stores across the globe, you are bound to find gob smacked attendants on their feet all day attending to customers’ needs including unending questions from big-buying’ as well as the window shoppers or ‘time-wasting’ ones who will end up picking a lot less than what they must have troubled the attendants over. But then, that’s one of the challenges in working in such stores.

For us in Nigeria too, it’s Christmas again and a time typical for petroleum marketers to make their ‘end of year killing profits’ at the detriment of the masses. Therefore, we are once again like a couple of years before now at Christmas, faced with the recurrent fuel scarcity thus leading to long queues at the stations where people have to wait for long hours as though expecting the second ‘coming of Christ’ just to get a few litres of fuel and the most mind boggling part is that many sleep at the stations just to ensure they get to buy as soon as these stations commence sale yet some of these ones leave disappointed  without buying even after the horrid hours spent waiting.

This time around, we are not only faced with fuel scarcity which has led to the crazy hike in transport fare by over a 100% thus hindering some families from travelling for the yuletide season, we are also faced with long queues at ATM machines in all the banks in the country including the ones in the rural areas where on a good day would barely have more than two persons waiting to use those machines. People can’t collect their money from the banks to even buy food talk less of buying the fuel which the ‘black’ marketers are selling at very outrageous and exorbitant prices.

We have not only become a cashless society but have moved on to a ‘cash-trapped’ society as we now have to wake up very early and rush off to queue up at banks just so we can collect our own money which was saved in these banks.

In all of these happenings, it’s still the masses who are affected as those who steal us ‘red’ on a daily basis in their various leadership positions, still have their way around getting all their needs met at this season from ‘the backs’ including the scarce fuel as well as cash from some of  these banks’ officials who are sometimes even willing to make delivery to the respective homes of these ‘top shots’. While the rest remain cashless, ‘cashtrapped’, ‘fueltrapped’ and even ‘foodtrapped’. What an irony of life!

Gosh! Nigeria is beginning to choke one up more and more by the day. We seem not to be getting out of the woods anytime soon.

Nevertheless, let me still use this opportunity to wish everyone in Nigeria including all those lucky ones in diaspora a merry Christmas even as the rest of us here endure the season of a  ‘cashtrapped’ holiday taking place all over the country at this moment.

God help us all!

STELLA ENE-INYANG

HELLO SEPTEMBER! HOPE YOU BRING MORE GOOD TIDINGS THAN AUGUST DID?

Dear September, it feels good to wake up this morning only to find out that you are here already.

‘Already’ in the sense that we just celebrated Christmas a couple of months back and with the memories of last Christmas still lingering, you have caught up with us, once again taken us by surprise and bringing the ‘mber’ months to our faces whether we have achieved anything or not these past couple of months. Who are we to hold you back? Sure we can’t! laughs.

Nevertheless, September, before you take full ownership of the month, let me first of all thank August for listening to the Almighty God by delivering some of the blessings assigned to us and many of our loved ones. So August, thank you even as you take your leave.

Hey wait a minute August! Inspite of some few blessings delivered, we must express our grievances by letting you know that some people witnessed some form of pains, shame, losses, disappointments and more. Some people committed suicide while a few others attempted it due to one form of hardship or the other. There were cases of adults defiling and abusing children, we hope that September will visit destruction upon all the unrepentant paedophiles and many others who indulge in vices which have negative effects on innocent people. And so August, we admonish that when you return in the coming year 2017, please do better by coming with more than enough blessings that you brought this year and exclude all of the pains. Now you can leave even as the sun gets eclipsed for a while today, take all the pains with you.

Now back to you September. Interestingly you are starting off with an eclipse of the son according to forecast, so let’s assume it’s a good sign of you wiping off the pains and hardship of last month hence starting on a clean slate. We do not want cries, pains, losses, shame, disappointments, failures; you already know the rest as the list can go on and on. Just know that we DO NOT want any of the experiences on that list.

What we want in this month is celebration of new babies, birthdays, weddings, admission in schools, graduation, new jobs, promotions, house warming, new cars, visas, breakthroughs, contracts, and all the good things and occasions of life. The list is endless and you know them so just bring only the goodies so that at the end of the month, we will be able to say “hey September! You sure did a good job and so see you again next year, 2017” while smiling with hope.

September, hope you understand all I have said so far? May you be truly a good "September to remember". And on that note I say “Hey everyone, welcome to a blessed month of September! *smiles with hope*  

What is Christmas Without Fireworks, 'Bangers' and 'Knockouts'?

By the end of the yuletide season, without any doubts, a lot of people would have recorded a good number of ex-convicts in their various families. That is, if some families have not started counting or visiting police stations already.

Aha! Don't get it twisted. Before some of you (especially the religious fanatics) start saying 'God forbid', let me start by saying here that some of my relatives/family members are already ex-convicts along what I would term here as 'waka pass' ex-convicts! As we proceed, you will begin to have an understanding of what I mean by 'waka pass' ex-convicts.

First of all let me clarify that there are several levels of convicts ranging from 'waka pass' convicts to die-hard/hardened convicts.

A few weeks back Mr Solomon Arase, the Inspector General of Police reiterated the ban on firecrackers, fireworks, what a lot of people call 'knockouts' or 'bangers' (not the bangers pork sausages) during the forthcoming Christmas and New year celebrations given the current security level in different parts of the Country, adding that hoodlums have started the practice of using the fireworks to confuse citizens while carrying out despicable acts and thus warned that violators, that is those who would still use the banned fireworks while jubilating would be made to face the wrath of the law thereby becoming 'waka pass' or light offence convicts.

Over the weekend, driving through a neighbourhood where a small market is located, I saw a group of people arguing with some armed Police men who were trying to forcefully get a group of boys into their patrol van and some women who could pass for the mothers of the boys pleading with them to let the boys go even as the onlookers standing around with a few others who stood faraway talked in hushed tones obviously over why the boys were being arrested. My mission around there was to stop and buy a few food items but on a second thought decided not to stop but drove on as soon as I saw the scene.

And so for fear of being caught up in a potential calamity (given the guns) I stopped a good distance from the market in front of a roadside tomato seller who was also watching the scenario from afar. As I paid for some tomatoes she told me that the boys were getting picked-up by the Police for 'disturbing the peace of the community' with fireworks.

As soon as I heard that, I laughed and said "the Policemen have a lot of work to do given the case" as I remembered my relatives who were also arrested a few years ago for letting off fireworks and we had to bail all three of them with a lot of money that day and of course from that night because the trio did not sleep in the cells overnight given the light offence, they officially became the family's 'ex-convicts' but we termed them 'waka pass' just like some Nollywood's acts who just feature in a scene of a movie playing nearly insignificant roles in the entire movie.

Now you have an idea of who a 'waka pass' ex-convict  is, and also what I meant when I mentioned that "some of my relatives/family members are already ex-convicts", like I said before, don't get it TWISTED. They are just 'waka pass' not hardened ex-convicts okay?

So if you or your wards don't want to get on the list, tell them to stay away from 'bangers' this yuletide season so you (they) don't get 'banged' into the Trucks/Vans of the Armed Uniformed Men while heading for the Police Station/Cells. But on the other hand, all lovers of fireworks may want to ask "what is Christmas without these fireworks"?

Well my take is this, if you must do your 'KABOOM' fireworks, get ready for Prison and the wrath of the law as Arase has warned. Like I said earlier, because Christmas is only just starting and I know for a fact that there WILL be more fireworks and crackers, the Police force should therefore get set for a busy time this period until a few days into the new year as for a LOT of people, the season is NEVER complete without these 'BANGERS'.