Whenever you hear the word fashion, fashionable,
fashionista, nearly every Tom, Dick and Harry or should I also say, every
Onyinye, Laraba and Aisha would pop up with fashion tips they *most of the time* know next to nothing
about.
In this era where every carpenter has become furniture/interior
designers and all tailors fashion designers, even the young girls/ladies are
not left out as every one of them have become make-up artists. I have seen many
good, bad, ugly and even uglier -I could go on to ugliest- when it comes to fashion and it’s simply in order to
maintain decorum that has prevented me on several instances from screaming this
“outfit, make up, shoes et al- is a no,
no”.
If I was writing this piece a few years ago or let’s say
about eight to ten years back, I humbly would have started by saying ‘Nigerian
fashion industry has started but slowly gaining international repute’ but today
I dare to say boldly without blinking or battling an eyelid that the Nigerian
fashion industry is ‘BOMBING’ – not in
the real sense of the word though - but bombing in the sense that nearly
every celebrity around the world now want to be associated with one form of
Nigerian fashion item or the other just as many others or many of them have
attested on several platforms that Nigerians are ‘outrageously’ fashionable.
Yes we are fashionable even as many of us have become ‘over-fashionable’ which
most of the time can be termed ‘crazy’.
Sorry I had to use the word ‘outrageously’ for lack of a
better word to drive home the point. But again, I need to explain right away
that the word as used in this context is that, the way the Nigerian fashion industry
has grown is shocking and surprising to millions of people across the world as
it has exceeded the limits of what was anticipated from this part of the world.
Now with that out of the way, let’s get back on track. Alright?
Good!
Then again, sometimes when you come across some people and
what they wear, you will be tempted to agree with me that ‘indecent’ or ‘outrageous’
in the real sense of the words are
not enough to describe the sight you behold.
Haba! Some ladies can kill somebody with their ‘coming out’ no
doubts and the most annoying ones are those who would take some silly selfies
with pouting lips and then upload on social media with captions such as “I
slayed that look didn’t I? Or “I sure killed it” *laughs*. When I see such, I
laugh and think out loud such statements as “yes you slayed/killed it indeed but I hope you don’t get slayed/killed
in the process”.
Was that harsh? Pardon me if it was but then I’m sure a lot
of you have seen many of such posts. The worst part is when people who just
want to massage their egos start clicking the ‘like’ button or making comments
such as “you sure killed it”, “you are looking hot”, “sweet” et al even when
they think the very opposite. People are
terrible sha!
I was at a children’s party the other day and the mother of
the celebrant who was turning 10 asked that the mothers of the invited children
should be dressed in any blue jeans (skirts, trousers or knickers) and the
white T-shirts which were sold to us before the day of the party. I guess the
mother of the celebrant eventually realized she made a huge mistake of giving
the option of ‘knickers’ when she started seeing some of the mothers arrive with
very hot ‘bumper shorts’ with their
wards in tow looking a lot more better dressed than their mothers.
My friend who accompanied me to the party with my ward could
not hold back her stares and laughs as the women came in with their ‘desperate
looking’ clothes. On one occasion, I had to hit her hand down when she forgot
herself and was pointing at one of the ladies with the shorts who had forced
her nearly fat thighs and well-endowed backside into a pair of shorts which I
suspect could belong to a regular size 14 lady as the woman actually looked an
obvious size 18.
Women like enjoyment sha! The mothers danced and played even
more than the children who were supposed to be the focus of the day as many of
them just sat back on their chairs and watched the women have fun while the
fathers were seated away from the rest of the attendees drinking, chatting and
laughing at the spot which was allocated to them for the day.
Please do not mistake my held-back scream for just the
females alone. I get it that ‘babes’ are the real culprits most of the times. The
ladies can be so bad *as to even wear
high heels to the beach* but then there are also guys who tend to overdo it
sometimes too, especially some of the celebs on the red carpets.
Apart from Denrele whom I hear has been certified ‘fashion
crazy’ all other guys who are guilty of overdoing it sometimes make me wonder
if they are trying to get Denrele out of the market of the ‘wildly
fashion-cracked people’.
I sometimes don’t get it. I hate to sound like a broken
record already, but then let me still ask for the millionth time, why would a
matured man sag his trousers to let people have a peep at his boxers or crack
leading to his buttocks? I really don’t it.
I walked into a bank this morning and a lady with more than
half of her boobs out of the blouse she was wearing, walked towards me with
everyone in the banking hall staring at her and said “please can I borrow you
pen” which I obliged her. Just as I was trying to get over her appearance, a
man walked in, apparently with this “I just came back attitude” with his sagged
pants showing of a VERY large part of his grey boxers. As if sagging was not
bad enough, the pants wear deep lemon coloured jeans. At that point, I had
taken enough so I quickly took my pen from the nearly -fully-exposed ‘boobs’ lady
and left the hall as soon as I was done with my transactions.
Need I say more? I don’t think men should wear too many colours
of pants especially when it’s not a pair of suit *which may sometimes be
understood*. I have seen guys wear screaming yellow, red, purple (and many more
colours) jeans which shouldn’t be and yet all over the red, green, yellow or
black carpets and the streets, it looks like it’s becoming acceptable.
Please let all such colours and razziness be left for
Denrele even as the ladies revert to dressing up properly. Guys! Let Denrele
continue savoring all the weirdness. You can’t compete with his eccentricity.
Simply put, some things are strictly meant for the runways
and the movies.
I’m out for now!
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