SPEAKING UP: FINDING THAT ONE TRUE FRIEND AND CONFIDANT

Every now and then, there is always this tendency to ‘lose it’ especially when things don’t go the way as planned. When I say ‘lose it’ I mean, break down in tears, shout at nobody in particular, eat unhealthy junk foods and you name it as people have different ways of letting off the steam.

And then of course you would know immediately that all is not well with that individual so you can ask questions such as “what’s the problem, how may I help, have you considered” the list is endless. And thereafter, the person may or may not get the help required depending on whatever the case or situation may be at the time. Nevertheless, for some people, there is some kind of relief from just talking about it even though the listener does not provide help at the end of the day while for others it may just be an added frustration having listened without providing any solutions to the issue.

Well, that’s for those who can speak up, which is just one group of people.

Now another group is those who will NEVER speak up or show any signs of whatever they may be going through as speaking about their problems is not a ‘way of life’ for them.  So they can appear happy and in charge or control yet may just be dying inside slowly as they never want to burden people with their challenges. They make people happy but then go back in their closets and cry or shout. Now before you go judging or the way of crucifixion, wait a minute.

Many a times, people have learnt from experience that it’s in very few cases that “a problem shared is half solved” as they may have encountered  disturbing  and painful situations of “a problem shared is well publicized” which becomes very embarrassing and leaves the individual feeling more aweful than he/she was before sharing in the first instance. So when you find such people, don’t always assume the persons are too arrogant or proud or whatever as the individuals may just be avoiding further pains by keeping to themselves and trying to find solutions to their challenges on their own.

Then again, for such private individuals, it takes a true friend to perceive beyond all that façade of trying to appear happy and in charge or control, is a sad personality who may be withering away slowly on the insides. When you find such a friend, hold on to him or her as they are rare to find.

When such friends are able to detect the ‘pains behind the smile’ just a GENUINE word of encouragement may just be all that is required to change the perspective of things hence a life changed and helped for the better.

This write-up is just to encourage you out there, that no matter what you are going through, there is always that one person to talk to despite the many who may not help but may subject you to ridicule thus becoming a laughing stock. However bad the experiences have been in the past, always listen to that still small voice and it will direct you on whose direction you should go when in need of a confidant.

Please don’t die in silence anymore, I have been there before and I can tell you categorically, “it aint fun”. My prayer is that you find or recognize that true friend that you can always talk to.

Finally, even though many are of the school of thought that when you tell people your problems, 80% don’t care while the other 20% are happy it’s happening to you, I still admonish that whenever you need help, please by all means, seek it.

Never forget, after you are done praying, talk to somebody today. We all need somebody and one another.

No man is an Island neither does a tree make a forest.
 
©Stella Ene – Inyang