STRESS: WORRY, YOU DIE, NO WORRIES, YOU DIE, THEN WHY WORRY?

About a week ago, a very sisterly good friend of mine complained about some kind of ‘numbish’ pain and weakness on the right side of her body which started after she woke up from sleep a day before her complaint. I suspected stress and gave her a relief brain relaxing tablet to help calm her nerves which she immediately took with a heavy meal and a few hours after then, she was better.

Not too long after, during a dress rehearsals, some other person complained about tension behind his neck and was finding it difficult to turn the neck about easily due to some stiffness he felt behind it, again I said it was stress but could not recommend that relief tablet because, one, he had not eaten and I wanted to be sure it was not dues to hunger. Two, before you say it, I know self-medication is bad" so I did not recommend any tablets., but didn't do right because I forgot to recommend the same doctor I did for my friend before leaving. The next day, he was still complaining about the tension.

You may want to ask, “Where is she going with all of these”?

Now come with me as I take you through my point on this outing.

The truth is that, most of us, especially Nigerians DO NOT rest at all. Like someone told me the other day, “babes, you work like the clock, you never stop to rest for a minute” and she was right because even when we make any effort to rest, we are still thinking and worrying about what to do and what would happen ‘if’ and that gets us worked-up thereby rendering the time taken to rest ’useless’.

When was the last time you took a holiday and really spent it resting? Or when was the last time you took a break at work and sincerely took that break? *I can imagine you saying “do we really get breaks”*. That’s my point.

Even at that, some of these same staff who have been given the period of ‘time off’ to rest would on their own look for something else to do for example, chatting unnecessary or small talks which at the end of the day may have no positive impact on their lives yet would have deprived them that much needed rest to perform better at their jobs as well as ridding them of most forms of tension or stress that affect the human body.

  

Most times when you get employed, your appointment letter reads “break is observed from this time…to about…” but then as soon as you resume work, it would only take a few days for you to realize that there is hardly a time for people to observe that break as stipulated in your ‘terms of reference’ because some deadlines need to be met.

Before some employers of  labour get offended, let me make an exception that there are still a FEW, I mean very few organisations that still enforce members of staff to go on breaks after some hours have been put in by the staff on a daily basis. Also, a few other organizations ensure that the staffs go ‘on leave’ for a couple of days at least once every year. It then behooves on the staff to make sure that the ‘leave’ is used to rest or do as he/she deems fit.   

Apart from work related stresses, people sometimes put unnecessary stress upon themselves such as spending beyond their means and are thus put under pressure to offset debts or meet up with other necessities which ought to have being taken care of first before going on a spending spree.   

Stress has being linked to nearly all kinds of ailments in the world today. We know for a fact that as long as one is on this earth, especially if you are aiming at certain goals that you have set for yourself, you would undergo some form of stress or the other.

Nevertheless, when we spend time worrying instead of working out ways towards achieving those goals, stress takes its position in the scheme of things and that, 90% of the time does not yield any positive results towards those anticipated goals.

The other day, during a discussion with a young man, he was shocked when he heard that worrying activates ulcer. And yes it really does, if you are just hearing it for the first time and so does it on cancer. So why worry?

We all know life can be very tough sometimes, but then worrying does not take the problems away. Instead of stressing yourself and going through unnecessary tension which could lead to other ailments apart from stroke, take some time to rest and strategize on the way forward. Worrying kills faster than you know.

According to the American Institute of stress, the following are some signs and symptoms of stress: 1.Frequent headaches, jaw clenching or pain.  2.Gritting, grinding teeth  3.Stuttering or stammering  4.Tremors, trembling of lips, hands 5.Neck ache, back pain, muscle spasms  6.Light headedness, faintness, dizziness  7.Ringing, buzzing or “popping sounds  8.Frequent sweating  9.Cold or sweaty hands, feet 10.Dry mouth, problems swallowing  11.Frequent colds, infections, herpes sores 12.Rashes, itching, hives, “goose bumps” 13.Unexplained or frequent “allergy” attacks 14.Heartburn, stomach pain, nausea 15.Excess belching, flatulence 16.Constipation, diarrhea, loss of control 17.Difficulty breathing, frequent sighing 18.Sudden attacks of life threatening panic 19.Chest pain, palpitations, rapid pulse  20.Frequent urination  21.Diminished sexual desire or performance  22.Excess anxiety, worry, guilt, nervousness  23.Increased anger, frustration, hostility 24.Depression, frequent or wild mood swings 25.Increased or decreased appetite 26.Insomnia, nightmares, disturbing dreams 27.Difficulty concentrating, racing thoughts 28.Trouble learning new information 29.Forgetfulness, disorganization, confusion  30.Difficulty in making decisions  31.Feeling overloaded or overwhelmed 32.Frequent crying spells or suicidal thoughts 33.Feelings of loneliness or worthlessness 34.Little interest in appearance, punctuality 35.Nervous habits, fidgeting, feet tapping 36.Increased frustration, irritability, edginess 37.Overreaction to petty annoyances 38.Increased number of minor accidents 39.Obsessive or compulsive behavior 40.Reduced work efficiency or productivity 41.Lies or excuses to cover up poor work 42.Rapid or mumbled speech 43.Excessive defensiveness or suspiciousness 44.Problems in communication, sharing  45.Social withdrawal and isolation  46.Constant tiredness, weakness, fatigue  47.Frequent use of over-the-counter drugs 48.Weight gain or loss without diet 49.Increased smoking, alcohol or drug use 50.Excessive gambling or impulse buying.

There you go! Now STOP worrying!!

      

BENSON IDAHOSA: HE WAS NOT JUST MY HUSBAND - WIFE, MARGARET IDAHOSA

Memories of my growing up days in then  Bendel state, made up of what is now known as Edo and Delta states flooded my mind as I read an interview of Archbishop Margret Benson Idahosa, wife of the late Founder of the Church of God Mission Incorporated in Benin city, which has now got several branches all over the country and I suppose outside the country as well.

Benin city was like the very hub of the state then and the only bubbling church where you would find westernised Pentecostal form of worship was the Church of God Mission with the late Archbishop Benson Idahosa who made Christianity feel funky and fun.

  

Every Sunday evening you could not help  but recognise that very husky voice whenever the montage of the church programme something 'hour' can't vividly remember the exact name of the programme but it had to do with 'hour' *I stand to be corrected though*. Nevertheless, I will for a very long time remember his words after the montage as it echoed from his deep voice "and they that God has given us, they are for signs and wonders" and IWO (Idahosa World Outreach) logo would thereafter be flashed around. Hmmm! That man led a lot of people to Christ and Christianity was well planted in that city by the likes of him.

Sadly in March 1998, news of the death of the highly loved flambouyant Bishop hit the airwaves and 'ear waves' leaving a lot of people speechless and despondent to the extent that rumours that he rose again after a few days showed how much people loved him and wanted him back.

And so it was with strong nostalgia that I read this interview below as culled from the Church Times. In the interview Archbishop Margaret Benson Idahosa disclosed how the late founder of the Church died, leaving her and their four lovely children behind.

Excerpts:

You once said you thought you were finished when your husband died. How exactly did you mean?

I knew late Archbishop Benson Idahosa when I was young and we were friends for eight years before we got married. He was not only my husband, he was my brother, my friend and a confidant. In addition to these, he was my Bishop and Archbishop.

When he died I was in a confused state and honestly I didn't know where to begin and what the future held for me. I thought to myself after the burial I would just recline to myself.

By then my children were all abroad and I said I would be staying with them one after the other and then come over to Benin to see how the ministry was being run. But God who knows the heart of man directed my path to where I am today.

When my husband was alive I was with him and the best I could do was to encourage him and pray for him. I was a great supporter of his vision. So when he died I just wanted to remain in my cocoon. But God had a different plan for me.

You were 55 years when he died. How easy was it for church members to accept you then?

As a matter of fact when I was called the day I was ordained a bishop; I thought they called me just to pray for me. I came out and the archbishop who ordained me said he did not confer with flesh and blood but that the Holy Spirit had directed him to ordain me as a bishop. When he made that declaration there was a thunderous response from the audience.

Before then I must confess that my mind was not in ministry. But to my greatest surprise there was a great acceptance of the ordination. Honestly, I was not looking forward to it and after a while I had to pray and God spoke to me and said He had called me and He would give me the enablement and the strength to do the task that has been set before me. And I said okay; God it is a deal. And I said let us try. If I'm successful fine and if I do not then God would understand.

Before my husband’s funeral ceremony, God has spoken with a lot of people about who succeeds him. I recall that when my husband was alive he used to travel a lot and there were times he took people out for lunch in some of the countries he went to and those people were used to asking him questions. One of the questions by one of his friends was whether he was preparing somebody to take over from him and he said he was not preparing anybody because the anointing breaks the yoke and that anybody who had the anointing would definitely be put in place. But he said I think my wife will fit into my shoes. Somebody brought the video and we watched it.There was a general acceptance of my person when I was ordained and God has been helping us in the ministry.

What were the things that you did to equip yourself with the task ahead?

What I did was to give the ministry’s constitution to men with experience. I wanted them to help me interpret it because people were giving different interpretations and when they did it I was comfortable that I was not usurping anybody's position. And I called all the pastors of the church and said, Our Daddy has gone, do we want this ministry to go on or it should die with him and majority of them said they wanted the ministry to go on. That was how we started working.

What were the initial challenges concerning the issue of remarriage when your husband died?

There were challenges in this area and I told God that I wanted him to direct my affairs and my life. And I think God heard and He gave me the ability to do what I'm doing now. I had a husband and I enjoyed him and I think there was nobody else that could match up to him. I told God that I want Him to take the desire for another man from me. I never wanted to think about remarriage. God gave me so much to do that after a hard day's work I just go to bed and sleep. I don't have a desire to marry. To be married to who?

Let us look back to the time you married your late husband. Was he already in ministry when you met him?

I met him already called into the ministry. There was a book he wrote called, Fire in his bones. Everything about his life is in that book. And those are the things I know about him. And he kept saying to me that I should focus my attention on God. He said when he gave his life to Christ a lot of things happened and that God showed him some visions. In one of the visions God showed him a big dry tree with branches that had no leaves but it had branches and God put him under the tree. When he lifted up his eyes he saw an old woman carrying a huge load and he got up from under the tree to help that woman to where she was going and there was a tiny leaf on the tree after he had rendered the help and he opened his eyes. He saw another person and he helped the person and there was another leaf on the tree. The more he helped, the more the tree had leaves. And God told him that the more he helped people the more he will get protection and shade.

Benin is said to be a peculiar place. What does it take being in ministry here?

When you are called of God, He gives you the boldness you need to withstand anything. When God called him, for 14 days he went round Benin City praying and asking God to take the city for the gospel. Benin was so bad that if a native doctor told you that you would die by 2 o’clock there is nothing you can do about it except you run to Christ because that thing will surely happen.When my husband finished the 14 days marathon prayer round the city he started a small fellowship with students all over the place.

What were his dreams that he could not accomplish before he died?

I don't think there was anything he wanted to do that he didn't do. He died in March. In February he called me and said, ‘Margaret, I think I have done everything God had asked me to do’. And I said it is because we were still in February and that because he had not traveled. I said he needed to travel and if he did that he would come back with a fresh idea. And he said he would travel in March and that he would be by himself and will not interact with anybody.

I was abroad when he died. I was planning to travel that night to Nigeria when the report came that he had gone home. That, to me was a great shock. Before he died, he had preached a message titled The benefit of death and he preached so hard and made death so useless. He made it clear to us that he had finished the work God gave him in that message.

He is referred to as father of Pentecostalism in Nigeria. What do you make of what is going on in PFN now?

When he came on the scene, ministry work was not a joke. It was hard. It was difficult. Even the orthodox churches waged war but he stood his ground. He cleared the land for all of us. Many years ago it was a taboo for women to hold the microphone not to talk of preaching in the church but he encouraged us to move in the spirit of God. He encouraged us to preach and do the work. That was the last message he preached to the women.

He preached also at the Bible School before he went to lunch with a team from Oral Roberts University. He gave instruction to all the members of the team and they were all glued to him! After a while a gentle breeze was blowing and everybody set their gaze on him. He was saying thank you Jesus and those on the table thought he was praying and they all closed their eyes and started saying thank you Jesus along with him but suddenly they did not hear anything again and one of the team members opened his eyes and found out that archbishop was gone.

They tried all they could to revive him but he was gone. He was not sick. He never had high blood pressure. He was never down. Each time we came back from foreign trips doctors were always there to take our blood pressure. I was the one that was the sick one. Even the doctors were surprised that he died because he was not sick at all.

How did the children receive the news?

All the children were in school when he died. I was in America and the children were in London. One of our friends told our eldest child that I was on the way to meet him. We met and we held hands and cried at the airport in London. We didn't mind who was looking at us. My first daughter was in law school in Britain then. I called her and said she should tell her lecturer that her father had just died and that she should come. My two daughters in America also had to come and they all cried. I believe everything that God asked him to do he did. He said he had done all what God wanted him to do.

How do you feel being the first ordained female archbishop in Africa?

I don't know how it came. For many years I belong to different Christian bodies but in the last 10 years I have been functioning in the position of archbishop and the bodies that I belong to said it was time to recognize me. I don't feel any difference but I feel the responsibility. And I have asked God to give me the ability to perform and do what I'm called to do and see and hear the hurt of those around me.

GARRI: BEFORE YOU BARGAIN! THINK!!

I have a motherly aunt who keeps saying that if she was to fry ‘garri’ and sell for a living, she knows for a fact that many people would not be able to afford it and this to me is understandably right. You may want to ask why I agree with my aunt, right. Try walking a mile in the shoes of those people who produce garri and you will no doubts have all the answers you need.

There are some things I find so difficult to negotiate or bargain their prices in the markets especially when you look at the people selling the items, such as garri for a living.

Gosh! Have you seen how good ‘garri’ is produced? I don’t mean the over processed machine type of garri o. I mean the real hand washed, ground and fried type. The ones the Yorubas typically refer to as ‘Ibile’ meaning ‘local, original or homemade’. That’s the type people call real ‘garri’ and it’s what I meant.

Back in the days as a very young girl with some other cousins about the ages between 8 to 10, I recall vividly during some holidays in my hometown how we would crowd my late grandmother as she and a group of other women went about frying this freshly processed cassava that has being drained of all the water and unwanted starch for days.

The aroma from the frying pan of garri was priceless even as a few of us would struggle to just take part in the frying by begging the women when the pan is just a few scoops on and of course by the time more scoops of the drained cassava is added, we beg to be released as our small/tiny hands would be too weak to push the weight of the garri in the pan around anymore or else the entire garri at the bottom of the pan will get burnt. Oh! How I miss filling up my mouth with some of the mildly burnt garri! Life was really beautiful!!

  

How much is too much for a GOOD bag of garri?

The cassava is harvested, washed, peeled, washed again and then sent to the mill for grinding. Then the women after grinding will return with huge basins of finely ground cassava on their heads and then my grandmother after making sure the cassava was well ground, would ask the women who were much younger to load the cassava in several sacks and then would tie the opened end of the bags properly with ropes and sticks and twist round till it can’t go any further. Thereafter, the bags are placed and tied firmly to the bamboo sticks leaving them to drain and ferment for a couple of days before frying begins.

Now tell me, aside the frying process coupled with the direct heat from the fire, is that not enough work already?

Alright! How many people in this generation can do such a job and feel good when a well-dressed customer walks up to him/her and say “how come your garri is so expensive”? My spontaneous reply any day would be “why wouldn’t it be expensive?

We walk into shopping malls, fill our trolleys with expensive items *which we sometimes end up not using at the end of the day*, pay the cashier at the desk without haggling or arguing over the obviously hiked prices on each item purchased, yet once we get to that petty seller on the roadside or at the markets, our negotiating skills come to play as many of us are ready to let hell loose at the point of bargaining. Hmmm! That is what a few of my ‘crazy’ friends would term WITCHCRAFT.

Please when next you meet such hardworking ‘making-a-living’ kind of traders; patronize them by buying at their price. Even when you negotiate, do it in a considerable way by not under-pricing/underpaying so much because it really hurts to see them sell with very little profit after all the effort put into getting that produce to the market.

So, whenever you eat good ‘eba’ or garri and perhaps see a producers/sellers, give them a huge SALUTE!